- Andy Crouch brilliantly ruminates on Apple CEO Steve Jobs’ remarkable ability to “articulate a perfectly secular form hope.”
- Rachel Held Evans winsomely recounts how trying to love God with her mind put her at odds with an outspoken seminary president.
- Brett McCracken considers the ways social networking platforms and the “paradox of public intimacy” are impacting church efforts to cultivate community.
- Kyle Bennett furnishes a compelling essay exploring how “a thorough sensitivity to the Spirit’s presence and work” helps to deepen Christian civility.
- Nicholas Kristoff makes his case for why guns should be regulated as seriously as cars or toys.
- Richard Mouw points out how the book of Revelation doesn’t always conform to stereotypes about “apocalyptic literature.”
- Michael Gerson explains the basis for respecting our fellow citizens, “even when they hold absurd political beliefs.”
- Ellen Painter Dollar offers a thoughtful critique of the “child-as-project mentality that permeates American parenting today.”
- Skye Jethani suggests 3 reasons why interfaith cooperation honors God. And yes, he’s writing as an evangelical with strong theological convictions.
- Ed Stetzer unpacks some of the most common challenges faced by church planters.
- Christianity Today announces its 2011 Book Awards.
January 20, 2011
–Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son
Vincent died two months ago today. Seems like forever. Feels like yesterday. I think about him all the time, but not often enough. I hate crying, but I wish there were more tears. It’s tough to keep busy, and even harder not to.
I’m functioning far too well. I should be inconsolable. I’m not especially looking for clarity, wisdom or perspective right now. I’d rather be a full-time grouch, sour and abrasive. Why am I not more devastated and immobilized, angry and bitter? Is this all the sorrow I can muster? We buried him seven weeks ago. He’s not coming back.
So how many kids do you have, Dan Stringer?
I have two. Well, actually I have one, I mean two, depending how you count…
And how are you holding up after the death of your 18-month-old son, Dan Stringer?
Well, at least my other child hasn’t kicked the bucket yet. And how are you doing this fine morning?
I don’t always want to talk about Vincent, but I do. I don’t want to change the subject, but I do. I don’t want things to “normalize,” but I do. I don’t want the pain to stop, but I do. I don’t care what people think or how they attempt to theologize it, but I do. I don’t want people to freak out, but I do– kind of.
Moving forward has it’s merits, but I’d really prefer to stay right here. For now. Until I change my mind. Or not.
How can you help? Hit me with your best proverb, but don’t say a thing. Leave me alone, but fix me while you’re at it. Feel my pain, but don’t let it hurt you. Know my story, but keep it a secret. Be horrified in a composed way, concerned without asking questions. Show that you miss Vincent, but don’t worry about me. Think of him often, but turn off the spotlight. Consider me different so long as I blend in. Handle me with kid gloves. Treat me like I’m unbreakable. Understand me well. Don’t figure me out.
I hope my contradictions irritate you terribly. I hope they don’t bother you at all.
Do I want this loss to define me? Do I want to be known apart from it?